Wednesdays at Mellelos

Wednesday afternoons = Mellelos Coffee

I have made it a weekly habit to take my computer and journal and head to a local coffee shop to take a break from working in order to think, journal, blog, and catch up on emails. It's a lovely tradition and I look forward to it every week. It helps my brain to slow down a bit. With VBS rapidly approaching in t-minus 12 days there are so many things to think about, people to talk to, and big and little tasks to be done. My brain feels a bit like a major LA freeway with cars of all shapes, colors, and sizes zipping around, crashing into each other, going the wrong way on one way streets, and making a lot of noise. I'm not really stressed, per say. It is more of just the pressure of being responsible for directing this whole thing. It is no easy task. Note to self: don't ever become a CEO, or a business owner, or a doctor, or president of the United States, or anything else that requires loads of responsibility over lots of people. Just watch. Now God will place me in one of those positions. Eek. As I try and examine myself and analyze who I am and what I want these are the thoughts that have been emerging recently: I like to lead by example in small every day situations. Acts of service, hospitality, gestures of love, words of encouragement, unexpected gifts, etc. I never want to let myself get too busy that I don't have time for those daily moments of ministry.
Just this morning I had an experience, in which I surprised myself by speaking up in a situation that I would have most likely kept quiet several years ago. While standing in line at the Bank of America ATM downtown, I watched as a young woman and her daughter took an unreasonably long time to complete their transaction. From behind me I heard a grouchy old gentleman speak up. The conversation went something like this:

Grouchy man: “What are you doing up there- writing a darn book?! This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Patience is a virtue you know” (smiling at him)
Grouchy man: “Ya? I read that on my refrigerator this morning too. Love holds no record of wrongs..but the Bible doesn't say that I can't speak my mind.”

Me: “It does say to speak only kind words to others.”

Grouchy man: “Well some people are just inconsiderate”

Me: “We are pretty spoiled here in America with having everything so quick and readily available.”

Grouchy man: “I don't know if that's the point. Some people people are just ridiculous. Besides Bank of America only has two locations here.”

Me: (after finishing my transaction) “Yes, well have a nice day.” (smiling)

I felt so bad for the woman (who obviously heard the whole thing). I had to stand up for her. I hope I planted a seed of happiness in that man though and gave him something to think about. I prayed for him afterward because I can tell he needs some joy and perspective in his life. What I really wanted to tell him was to go to Africa and then he would appreciate what he has here in America a little bit more.

I read this week that there are really only two questions that have driven people for all of history. It all boils down to 1) Who is in charge? And 2) How much do you love me?
Love is the center of it all. My actions should all stem from love and when people look at me I want them to see the love of Christ. He said “they will know you are my disciples by your love for one another.” If I just remember that ministry and life boils down to this then it is easier not to get stressed out or muddled up in ideas, philosophies, theologies, methods, or accomplishments.

My apologies if this doesn't all flow together. It is the inner workings of my head this week as I try to serve the Lord, serve others, and make some big decisions about the future.

Coffee, McDonalds, Photography, Jesus, and Delayed Gratification

You may be wondering what coffee, McDonalds, photography, and Jesus have to do with each other. Well stick with me for a minute and hopefully it will makes sense.
This week I was challenged to figure out what my unique love relationship with Christ looks like. Take away expectations, molds, other people with their ideas, and figure out how to love Jesus. Not easy. As I've pondered that this week I have realized something about myself that I am not proud of-I am not good with delayed gratification. I like immediate results. This is partly due to my personality and undoubtedly due in part to the culture I was raised in. I can drive through a coffee stand and have my sugar free hazelnut mocha in 2 minutes. McDonalds workers can make nasty burgers for 25 people in 10 minutes (I don't want to know how). I feel inconvenienced when I have to stand in line at the grocery store for more than 4 minutes. For Pete's sake....you can get married at a drive through chapel in Vegas now! (not that I would EVER want to). I find myself hard pressed not to succumb to this fast paced society. This week I took a photography class and started doing some research on how to be a better photographer. Becoming a great photographer takes time and practice. I know this, but for some reason I find myself overwhelmed and feeling like I want to know everything there is to know and understand it right now. This mindset seems to permeate my every day thinking. I want the wisdom without the years of experience. I want to see the pounds melt away instantly when I exercise. This becomes a big problem when I project it onto relationships. I want to see change/growth in people, but it takes time. Time. In my efficient, every moment counts, rushed American mindset it's difficult to wait patiently and faithfully, but God has all the time in the world. Eternity in fact. He will take his sweet time fulfilling his plan and I've got to be okay with that. This idea of time, growth, and delayed gratification has affected my relationship with Christ, in that I somehow feel like I need to grow fast, understand more, love better. Instead of loving Jesus on a daily basis and let the relationship develop at a good pace, I find myself thinking about better Bible Study methods and comparing my relationship with Him to His relationship with other people. Ouch. Good thing He waits faithfully for me while I figure this all out and he loves me just the same. Always has and always will.

I don't have any idea how many days the Lord will allow me to walk this earth, but I'm trying to let go of the idea that I need to do it all, understand it all, accomplish it all now. It's about enjoying the journey, stopping to smell the roses, if you will.

So I took a lunch break to eat this gorgeous plate of fresh fruit and vegetables, while reading one of my favorite books...

I took mom to relax for the morning and get a pedicure...(I tried to load the pics here but it's not cooperating :(

and I am planning a weekly date to spend time with my precious Jesus as I grow to love him more each day...

Thank you to my African friends and their culture which have helped me to see the value of being more laid back. I'm still learning and I have a feeling God is going to send me to another country to force me to slow down and just live.

Core Values

Donald Miller is one of my favorite authors. He makes me think and inspires me. If you're a Donald Miller fan and you've never checked out his blog..it's worth checking out. Lately I have really enjoyed his thought provoking words about life. He leaves me pondering and wishing I were in a discussion group with other people who wanted to discourse about the same things. One recent post was about discovering our core values and importance of knowing what your core values are. Miller says in order to figure out what your core values are you need to pinpoint what makes you mad. So today, holed up in the corner of a coffee shop I am asking myself What makes me mad? What do I live for? What fuels my decision making? I guess I have always known pretty clearly what I believe and what I'm passionate about, but it's harder to verbalize. I came up with the following list which I think is a pretty comprehensive list of what makes me mad:ignorance, injustice, bad parenting, child neglect, untruth, materialism, disrespect for God, irresponsibility, negativity, apathy/complacency. Therefore, I guess some of my core values would be: education, justice, nurture/protection of children, Truth, simplicity, respect, responsibility, positivity/optimism, passion/concern for life. That's a pretty good list to live by (though I probably fail on more that one occasion to actually live by those values). So what are your core values? What makes you mad?

Poor Little Neglected Blog

Dear Friends do not be deceived. I am still updating this blog. Yes, I know it has been what seems like decades. I have been neglectful and confess to experiencing a bit of writers block when it comes to keeping you all updated on the ongoing adventures of my life. Of course this doesn't mean that there is nothing in my life worth reporting. My family always keeps things interesting...for instance...this afternoon found my mom and my 16 year old and 18 year old brothers waltzing around the house with puppets on their hands pretending to poke fun at one another and singing duets of White Christmas and I am 16 going on 17 from Sound of Music. Why in the world do we have puppets lying around the house? Well, that would be because mom found them at a garage sale yesterday and just could not help herself (she has a little bit of a puppet fetish). Of course I got the whole thing on video. I thought about posting it here...but then I realized the consequences of this (my whole family disowning me) and decided not to :). Nevertheless...there is no lack of excitement around here. That is for sure.

Beyond the daily amusements and goings on let me take a moment to fill ya'll (yes I miss living in Nashville) in on what God is doing in my life. Today I realized it has been 6 months since I finished my tour with the African Children's Choir. Can that really be?! Time has flown, but these past several months have been a very rich season of physical, spiritual, and emotional renewal for me. I am so grateful for God's goodness and faithfulness. He knows what his children need and gives it to them in his perfect time. I've been able to work from home for my Dad doing office work which is flexible, and relaxing. Perfect for this season of life.

As I ponder the future and pray for the Lord's guidance I have seen the Lord clearly guide me into the position of Director of Vacation Bible School at my church this summer. I loved VBS as a child and enjoyed helping out as a youth. I even directed a small somewhat hodge podge VBS in New Zealand when I was 19. This is going to be a much more large scale event, with many wonderful volunteers to oversee. As we plan and prepare and pray, two major aspects about this event bring me great excitement. First of all, our goal is to advertise and bring in many unchurched children from the community who would be unlikely to enter a church otherwise. Therefore, this is going to be a huge outreach and we are praying that God will work in the hearts of many that they will be saved! Secondly, I am excited because this is a healing and redeeming event for our church. We've been through a lot in the last 15 years and the Lord is at work healing wounds and growing the church. VBS has not been a part of the church programs for several years. This year we are bringing it back with new vision and goals and it will be a chance to bring people of all different ages together to minister to each other and the children. I am hopeful and excited to see what the Lord is going to do! Please pray with me for this event (July 12-16). I would appreciate it ever so much.

The ever lingering question is what is next for me. Well, I know I will be here (Lord willing) until the end of July (for obvious reasons). Come August, the sky is the limit. I am knocking on doors and praying for the Lord's guidance and peace. I know He has been speaking to me to let go of my expectations and to be willing to go anywhere. Pray with me that I will not be anxious about the future, but that I will find the balance between waiting on the Lord and seeking out opportunities. Life is a wonderful journey and I am happy to be walking it with so many of you!

I promise to keep up the blog more regularly....and hope you will continue to read..

Calling vs. Task

Every day for the last two weeks I have wanted to sit down and blog, but for some strange reason every day I feel like I have writers block. It's not that nothing is happening in my life or in my head that I want to share. The inspiration to write just hasn't been there. But today I am determined to break the streak of non-writing. So bear with me as I try to explain what has been on my mind...

For the past seven weeks I have been going through a Bible Study by Beth Moore. The title is Jesus the One and Only. I LOVE it. Beth has a way of really digging deep and causing me to think and see things in scripture that I have never seen before. Recently I got stuck on the distinction she made between a CALLING and a TASK. A calling is an overall (usually lifelong) direction in life. It involved the skills, gifts, abilities, and passions that God gives us to fulfill the plan He has for each of our lives. A task however, is a specific (probably short term) objective that can be fulfilled as part of a calling. Disclaimer: these are my imperfect and not comprehensive definitions. Christ called His disciples to follow him and spread the Gospel, and make disciples. He also gave them immediate tasks. We as Christians often confuse the two. God doesn't call us to be surrendered to an assignment. He calls us to be surrendered to Him. So I find myself pondering my calling and my immediate task. Beyond being surrendered to Christ, I can say with a fair amount of certainty that my calling is to minister to the orphans and the widows; to be a helping hand and an advocate for the poor and oppressed. That is what grips my heart. That is where my compassion lies. That is what pulls my heartstrings and fills me with passion. I read articles, I listen to sermons, I watch videos, I see pictures, I pour over blogs, and my heart breaks. My soul fills with longing. My mind gets overloaded with desire to help, to reach out, to love, to share Jesus, but I so often feel that I don't know exactly what to do with all these feelings. This so-called Christianity that I've grown up in-this sub-culture of American, feel good, self-centered, Christian religion that I have been surrounded by my whole life is wrong. I daily see that being surrendered to Christ, believing the Gospel and responding to it requires radical change and commitment. It's hard. It's ugly. It's uncomfortable. It's smelly. It means going against the flow. It's easy for me to say that is what I want. It's harder to believe it with my whole heart and live it out. So I guess my calling becomes more and more clear, but the specific task before me looms as a big question mark. Lord here I am. Send me.

As I wait for the Lord to direct me to the next "major task" (aka job/ministry) I wake up every day with anticipation. He's been faithful to give me small tasks (and some potential bigger ones soon) that are in line with His calling on my life. Whether it is baking brownies for the new family down the street, being willing to serve wherever needed at church, helping my busy family by cooking and cleaning, giving someone a ride to Bible study, talking to the person behind me in line at the grocery store...it's days full of little things that matter. Whether you know your calling in life or not, make every day count. The way we spend our moments is the way we spend our lives.

What Makes a Good Friend

What makes a good friend??? As I ponder this question I realize that we often don't recognize what we appreciate about a person until they are absent from us. Over the years I have come to make a mental list of the things that make a really good quality friend...someone who is loyal, like-minded, passionate about the same things, enjoys life the same way, makes me laugh, brings out the best in me, encourages, loves unconditionally through the good times and the hard times, is comfortable to be with, challenges me, someone I can talk with constantly or enjoy silence with. These are just a few of the things I can think of. It is rare to find such a lifelong friend. As I have read back through old journals from junior high and high school this week I have seen how many good friends I've had that have come and gone. They were best friends for a season and then life drew us apart and we moved on. The last few months my family has laughed at me because I say that most of my friends live in the computer (aka they live far away and I can only keep in touch with them through the computer). This last week however, God blessed me with a visit from my kindred spirit, Laura. As we toured together with the African Children's Choir I gradually saw that she would be one of those rare lifelong friends. Everything is better with Laura by my side. Every day this past week was full of treasured memories, as I showed her around my home state of Oregon and introduced her to the people and places that shaped my childhood and my life.

We climbed Roxyanne...

We enjoyed the breathtaking sights at Crater Lake...

We picnicked at Mill Creek Falls...

We cooked lots of new recipes and drank lots of tea...

This week I am thanking the Lord for good friends and the way He uses them to influence my life. If you have such a friend in your life remember to tell them how much you love them and appreciate them. You can never say it too much!

God's Truth Through a Child's Eyes

God often uses the most unlikely characters to teach us about his profound truths. I love it when He speaks through a small child to reveal to me a profound truth or to teach me something about life. Today was one of those days. I was babysitting an adorable 4 year old boy and together we were enjoying a sunshiny afternoon at the park. On the way home we were walking hand in hand and he was chatting away as usual, when he looked over to see our shadows. We were side by side and his shadow had dissappeared next to mine. He looked up at me and said "Look my shadow is hidden inside your shadow." He smiled and kept talking, but I stopped and thought, that is exactly what it looks like for me to be hidden in Christ (Col 3:3, Gal 2:20). After placing my faith in Jesus Christ I am literally "in him". I am still there, but I am not visible because he has overshadowed me. When people look at me they should see him. I am walking hand in hand with him and together we are one. He is my shield, my protector. Because I am in him I need not worry about my life, where I will live, what I will eat, where I should go, what I should do, how I should serve. My life is in him and I live by faith in the one who loved me and gave his life for me!

The Fragility of Life

Life is interesting. Most days we get caught up in a routine and we busy ourselves with daily activities...take a shower, do the dishes, run to the grocery store, pick the kids up from school, run through the drive-thru for dinner, get to soccer practice on time, stay up late to meet the deadline at work, study for the spanish exam tomorrow, grab a cup of coffee to keep you going, watch a few moments of television to see who made it to the next round of American Idol, do a load of laundry, pay the bills, go to the gym , stop at the post office, make a dessert for the potluch at church, answer emails, call back the 4 people who left you phone messages...and the list goes on. But every once in awhile something happens to stop you dead in your tracks and make you think about the fragility of this life. This week a guy who I grew up with at church (who was my age) died. The cause of death is yet to be determined. Yesterday I went to his memorial service to celebrate the life God gave him. This is the second young person from our church to die in the last month. This leaves me wondering about God's purposes and pondering the fragility of life. I have no guarantee that I will be here tomorrow or next week or next year. All I have is now. I used to be afraid of dying, but as the years go by I am less and less afraid. I know where I am going and I know who I am going to see and that is exciting! But while I'm here God has a purpose for me. Am I fulfilling that purpose? In addition to the fragility of life I've also been thinking about the glory of God and how he glorifies himself through us. He brings glory to himself even in difficult, hard to understand situations (like death). The Gospel was preached at this memorial service and I know that many people in that room did not know Christ as their Savior. I prayed God's Spirit over that place because I know that God desires to bring glory to himself through these circumstances.

Today I had the opportunity to teach a Good News club for 5th and 6th graders. My sister Jackie and I spoke passionately about the power of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is the single most important event in the history of the world and our entire faith hinges on the fact that Jesus was raised from the dead. At the end of our time together I played the song In Christ Alone for the group and asked them to write down what the resurrection of Jesus means to them. Most of the kids didn't write much, but a few had some thoughts:

"What does God mean to me...he is the one and only God/Jesus and the only one who can rise from the dead. And that is so amazing and important. When I am with him I do not fear of anything."

"That he died for me. He took my punishment. How much he loves me. He suffered for me."

"He died for my sins and if someone is going to die for my that means he loves me that much."

As I read through so many of their papers I realized that many of these kids couldn't even spell "God." My heart broke. I wonder how many people out there not only don't know how to spell the word "God" or "Jesus" but don't even know His name. This life is short and it is fragile. It could end any moment of any day. I want to use every opportunity to make Jesus known. I want to share with others the love and hope I have found in Jesus. Friends, speak the name of Jesus today and speak it boldly. People need to know what true love looks like.

Teaching to Change Lives

Today I am contemplating how to not give in to the mundane life-the kind of life that most people around me tell me is my eventual fate. The kind of life in which you settle down, get married, get a job so you can pay the bills (even if it's a job you don't like), buy a house, put down roots, have some kids, and get stuck in a rut of every day routine. Now don't get me wrong-getting married isn't bad. Getting a job and being financially responsible isn't bad. Buying a house isn't bad. Putting down roots isn't bad. Having kids isn't bad. It's that last part that get's me. I have met plenty of people during the last few years who were married with kids and had a "normal life" but they they still live adventurously for the Lord. People like the Beasley's who had enough faith to move with their three young children from Texas to New Zealand for a year. I find there is a syndrome....it's called medioctrity. People lose their passion for life. Today as I keep running into people that seem to have succumbed to a fate of living a boring life, I am determined not to. I am praying that no matter where the Lord takes me I will never lose the passion for life and learning and growing and people and everything that an abudnant life in Christ entails.

I picked up a book today that I read in college. Well, I actually dug it out of a box in the garage and dusted it off. It's called Teaching to Change Lives by the amazing Howard Hendricks. It is a classic. The book was printed in 1989 but it will never go out of style. I am sitting here reading through it again and loving the words all over again. A few of my favorite quotes from the first chapter:

"If you stop growing today you stop teaching tomorrow."

"If you want to become a change agent then you also must change."

"The two factors that will influence you the most in the years ahead are the books you read and the people you're around."

The book is funny, inspiring, and full of stories and nuggets of truth. I highly recommend it for any teacher..whether you are a teacher by profession, a Sunday school teacher, or you just teach your kids as you are raising them. Scratch that..I recommend it to everyone because we are all students and teachers in life. Just read the book. You can probably find it on Ebay for $5. Over the years I've been blessed to have been introduced to hundreds of really good books. A friend asked me the other day where I hear of all these good books and it occured to me that not everybody has access to so many good books or knows what books to read. Therefore, I have decided to start compiling a list of books that I would recommend. I will post them on my blog when I come across them, or feel free to ask me if I have any good recommendations. I would also welcome any book recommendations that the rest of you out there may have for me. Please send them my direction!

Quiet Days

Yesterday I had a QUIET day. This concept was introduced to me while I was attending Capernwray Bible School in New Zealand about 6 years ago. The idea is to spend at least 10 hours of total solitude-no phone, no computer, no music, no people-just you and God and a journal, and maybe a few books. I have tried to keep up the habit since then, though have found it quite difficult while living in downtown Chicago, traveling the world, and living at home. There has been litte opportunity for true quiet alone time since I left tour and I have been craving it. This weekend I was given the opportunity to house-sit for a family I used to nanny for. I am relishing in the quiet solitude. Yesterday I spent 12 hours just me and God and it was wonderful. I read the entire book of Matthew out-loud. If you have never done this I highly recommend it. God's word is powerful and life transforming. Something happens when you read it out loud like that. Towards the end of the day I decided to make a list of all the things I love in life, the things that make me who I am. I made a word web and turned it into a bit of an art project. I tried to load the picture but my computer is not cooperating.

Here is the list (in no particular order)...
Adventure
Going new places
Ice skating
Teaching
Organizing
Writing
Children
Mountains
Music
Learning
Talking with good friends
Walking in the rain
God's Word
Driving
Laughing
Inspiring
Creating Things
Natural Beauty
Being outdoors
Exercising
Encouraging others
Reading
Quiet alone time
Traveling
Africa
Giving people hope
My family
Singing
Cooking
Dancing
Public speaking
Photography
The ocean
....this isn't a comprehensive list, but I think it's a pretty good one. A good reminder of the things I love in life and what I should be doing :)