Show Me

Some seasons are filled with unspeakable joy and fulfillment. Other seasons are for trials that bring growth and build character. Both are equally necessary to become the vessels that God is fashioning us to be, so we can be used by Him. This season of my life has been much different than the last season-not necessarily bad-just different. God is teaching me that I am nothing without Him and I can do nothing without Him. He is everything. Even if I lost everything, He would be all I need. I believe it with my head, but it's a lot harder to convince my heart.

I recently came across this song by Audrey Assad and it's been on repeat for the last two days as I let the words sink into my soul.

"You could plant me like a tree beside a river.

you could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild.

And I would blossom like a flower in the desert.

But for now just let me cry.

You could raise me like a banner in battle.

put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes.

I would drift like falling snow over the embers.

But for now just show me how to lie.

Bind up these broken bones.

Mercy bend and breathe me back to life.

But not before you show me how to die.

Set me like a star before the morning.

Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep.

And I'll illuminate the path you've laid before me.

But for now just let me be.

Bind up these broken bones.

Mercy bend and breathe me back to life.

But not until you show me how to die.

Let me go like a leaf upon the water.

Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea.

And I will disappear into a deeper beauty.

But for now just stay with me.

God for now just stay with me."

Pumpkin Spice Latte

One of my favorite things about fall is Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Starbucks...

But at $4 bucks a pop one can hardly afford to make them a habit...

Two a week equals $32 a month. That is the same amount of money it costs to sponsor a child so they can go to school and have adequate meals for a month. The good steward in me has a hard time justifying that.

So...I found a way to make my own Pumpkin Spice Lattes and they are quite easy!!!

Here is the recipe:

2 cups milk

2 Tbs. canned pumpkin

2 Tbs. sugar

2 Tbs. vanilla

1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice

1 cup hot brewed coffee

Cook milk, pumpkin, and sugar in saucepan on med. until steaming. Remove from heat and add vanilla and pumpkin spice. Whisk until foamy. Fill mugs halfway and top off with coffee. Add whip cream and pumpkin spice or cinnamon on top. Enjoy!

Sisters

Sisters are blessings. They make you laugh. They cry with you. They tell you when you are making a very bad fashion statement. They lend you their cute accessories. They let you hang out with their friends when you don't have anyone else to hang out with. They listen. They understand. They are cut from the same mold. They are honest. They stick up for you. Sisters are pretty much great.

My sister is in Albania.

I miss her already.

It's her turn to spread her wings and fly.

She is attending Bible School for 7 months.

She is off to make many new and interesting friends.

She will make memories that last a lifetime.

I am so proud of her.

I love you Jackie!

26 Years Later...

Last week I celebrated my 26th birthday. I don't know where I thought I would be at 26 years old-probably married with kids and working in an office somewhere-but I'm glad to be standing where I am looking back at the last 26 years. Before I was created in my mother's womb God knew my name. He knew what I would look like. He knew what would make me smile. He knew what my heart would beat for. He knew how many hairs would be on my head. He knew me. I'm thankful that He knew me/knows me better than I know myself. He's taken me places that I never dreamed and opened my eyes and heart to a world of beauty.

Right now I sit at a desk for most of the day and I don't always feel like I am spending my time

in the most meaningful way possible. I'd rather be sitting in the dirt in Africa with a bunch of children, or in a classroom teaching a bunch of eager students about life. But, the truth is that right now God has me here and he is preparing me for what is ahead. Even here, I have many opportunities to show God's love and to serve. So I strive to be faithful, even in the non-glamorous things of life.

A friend shared a quote with me recently that was shared with her by a wise professor. He said

"maybe you need to stop trying to save the world for awhile."

The words keep running across my mind. Too often I find myself trying to save the world or wishing I could save the world and instead becoming frustrating. It's not my job. I know that.

The problem is that I tend to take the burdens of the world on my shoulders instead of leaving them up to Christ, who already has it all under control. He only calls me to be faithful in the small things and to plant seeds. I can't control anything and I need to stop trying.

I went to the Oregon Coast to celebrate my birthday with my family. As I dug my feet in the warm sand and watched the waves crashing one after the other the phrase God kept giving me was

"Live and Let Go."

It sounds cliche, but it was what I needed to here.

I asked God to take all the things that cause me to worry and to help me let go...

I wrote it in the sand for all to see...

And then as a symbol I plunged into the cold ocean fully clothed, jeans and all to jump the waves (and be attacked by giant tangles of seaweed that wanted to drag me out to sea)...

After a discouraging couple of weeks my spirits were lifted this week and I was overwhelmed by the birthday love I received from friends and family. I am truly blessed. May year 27 be filled with new adventures, sweet moments, lessons learned, and a life well lived...

The Story of Humanity

Today I read one of the most beautifully and clearly described presentations of the Gospel that I have every heard. It is from Donald Miller, one of my favorite authors. He writes..

"The Trinity existed forever in a completely loving community. They were and are other focussed, without what we think of as ego (though I believe they have something like ego, we would not recognize it in comparison to our own) and they created an existence, including you and I, to enjoy their company. That is the most loving thing a perfectly loving being could do. But love cannot be controlling, it has to set it’s muse free, so they gave humanity an option out. And humanity took it, thus, by necessity, there was a separation between pure good and anything other than pure good. So now, we who have been designed to be complete in God, seek affirmation and validation from each other as though our lives depend on it. But it doesn’t work. Nobody has agency but God. So God sends his son to earth and his son essentially says this:

“You guys have all walked away from God. He can’t have anything to do with you, because he is purely good. But look, I haven’t walked away from him, so if you marry me, and we become one, you’ll be reunited with the Trinity. He’ll look at you and see me. We’ll do this at a wedding in heaven. Until the wedding, though, just have faith. It’s as though it’s already done. But it’s going to kind of suck until then.”

So that’s where we are in our story. We are waiting for the wedding, and until then, we have hope, and we have an explanation for our hope."

You can read the rest of the blog entry here.

Let the Autumn Festivities Begin!

Today is the last day of summer vacation here in these parts. Tomorrow school starts, and I must admit I am a little sad that I won't have a classroom of children to teach. I keep looking through the ads in the newspaper and drooling over school supplies. This time of year causes me to dream about bouquets of newly sharpened pencils, fresh notebooks waiting to be filled, and minds ready to be written on with new information. I am definitely wired to be a teacher, but I am taking this year off, as God seems to be leading a different way this year. Despite not being in the classroom, I am looking forward to the Autumn season here in Medford. As I thought about it this week, I realized that I have not been here in autumn since 2004- 6 years ago! There are so many things to look forward to....raking leaves, husking corn, high school football games, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin EVERYTHING, hot tea every morning, sweaters and comfy jeans, dancing in the rain, and day after Thanksgiving shopping with Mom!!! I plan to make the most of this season :)

This week is the kickoff-the first football game happened on Friday (and South won!), Saturday I had my first pumpkin spice latte, and yesterday I husked corn :)

I think one of the reasons that autumn/fall is such a great season is because it signals a fresh start of sorts. The beginning of the school year offers a new hope and eagerness for learning, making new friends, buying new clothes, and creating new memories. Even though I am not in a classroom this season I am looking forward to learning many things this year and creating some great memories. Learning doesn't just take place in the classroom (in fact most learning takes place outside the classroom) and as a lifelong learner I find joy in discovering the creativity and goodness of my God as I learn more about this world He created. I hope all you out there in bloggerland will join me in learning and making some great new memories this season. Let the autumn festivities begin!

Family Quotes

Sometimes I wish that the whole world could hear the conversations that happen at my house. We would make a great reality TV show, I'm telling you. For your enjoyment.....a few quotes from the last 24 hours:

"Get out of my way or I'll run you over with my walker!" (a disgruntled 83 yr. old man said this to my mom at the nursing home she works at, because she wouldn't let him go outside!)

"You could go to Afghanistan." -Papa

"You could raise goats." -Andy

"You could wear a turbin." -?

"You could bring goats home for mom to milk." -Andy

(this was part of a conversation we had while discussing my sisters travel plans when she goes to school in Europe this fall. The goats is only funny because my parents have been drinking goat milk but none of us kids like it :(

"It would be more fun to throw up in the ocean than in the toilet." -My dad (trying to convince me that it would be fun to go to beach for my birthday next weekend even if I still don't feel well).

Hope this made you smile :)

A portrait of my day...

I stole this idea from somebody else's blog, so I can't take the credit, but I like it so I am going to copy the idea :)

Outside my window: two hammocks strung between the tree, an old sailboat mast, and a giant 2x4 that my brother and friend put up for us to enjoy lazy summer days and nights!

I am thinking: I wish I had more energy and better health to be at a party tonight, but I don't so I am left at home pondering how to spend my evening.

From the kitchen: the smell of boiling peach syrup is wafting into my room. Mom has bought over 300 lbs of fresh peaches in the last week and h

as been canning, making jam and syrup, and giving them away. Yummy!

I am wearing: jeans that I can't decide if I like, and a grey shirt with flowing sleeves that my brother Andy says look like wings :)

I am reading: The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. Very thought provoking and inspiring.

I am hoping: that I will soon find out what these health issues are so I can get back to normal life and have energy and not be light headed.

I am hearing: the loud thundering of the dryer that sounds like a rocket ship ready to take off.

I am creating: a surprise for someone special :)

One of my favorite things: chatting on the porch swing with an old friend (which I did today!)

A few plans for the rest of the week: work, get blood work done, read, brainstorm ministry ideas for church, eat lots of peaches :)

Some pictures of this week around here:

{Mom and some of her beloved peaches}

{Tomatoes from the neighbors-mom is canning them too}

{My brother and friend sleeping in the hammocks}

Chicago Misadventures

Life doesn't often go the way we plan...I'm pretty used to that. This past week was just another example. For weeks I looked forward to going with my little brother Josh to Chicago to help him settle into school at Moody Bible Institute. I worked hard to pay for it, made a list of all the people I wanted to visit, drooled over the many Chicago restaurants/food to catch up on, and thought about all my favorite places in the city that I wanted to visit and take Josh. Well, the trip happened and Josh is at school, but it certainly didn't go as planned. Tuesday evening: August 17th (with rain and giant hail pouring down and soaking us and all our luggage) Josh and I boarded a red eye flight to Chicago, via San Francisco. Thank goodness the weather (that had grounded earlier flights) lifted just in time for us to take off. We flew into SF at sunset and saw the Golden Gate Bridge glowing in all it's splendor. After a layover and another long flight we landed on Wednesday morning at 4:30 a.m. That day was exhausting as I tried to help Josh work out money, insurance, health forms, etc to get into school. It was very surreal to walk around the campus on which I have so many memories, but not see more than a couple familiar faces. It is Josh's turn now, to make memories there and I have no doubt he will make some great ones. Armed with his fedora hat, umbrella, and guitar he is bound to have an impact on Chicago and visa versa. The next day and a half, as Josh attended orientation sessions I was able to visit with old friends and it was wonderful. I had hoped to have 4 more days full of city fun, however, Friday afternoon while having lunch with a friend I nearly passed out for no apparent reason. For the rest of the trip I felt dizzy, lost my appetite, and was very weak. I spent most of my time laying on the couch and only ate applesauce and soup....no deep dish pizza for me :( thankfully I had friends and family to take care of me, but it was quite frustrating and a bit scary to be feeling that way away from home. On Monday I said goodbye to Josh and left him to fend for himself in that big city. Praise God I made it safely back to Seattle, where my dad and brother, Andy, met me. We had grand plans of exploring Seattle and visiting friends in Bellingham and British Columbia, but because of my health most of those plans had to be scrapped, sadly. While my dad finished his business conference, Andy and I decided to try seeing a few sights. We made it to the space needle, but shortly therafter I began to feel faint. I told Andy we could go to the museum of Science Fiction, but he had to push me in a wheelchair the whole time. He did. It was awesome, and we had a good time. After a quick visit to the African Children's Choir office in Bellingham (where I got to reminisce a bit and see items from my tour, including my kiddos costumes that still smell like them!), we headed home. Andy drove the whole 10 hours as Dad and I were not feeling well. What a kid! I am now home safely and happy to be in my own bed. Still not feeling myself, but Tuesday the doctor will run some tests and help me get better :)

So the trip didn't go as expected and I wasn't as adventurous and busy as usual, but it was still good. I still got the chance to visit with old friends from college, professors, and meet new friends (from Africa!). All in all it was a good trip. And Josh is at college, which is the most important thing. So I am thankful. I've just been looking back over pictures from this summer. God has given me a good summer. I've worked hard, spent time with some very dear friends and family, enjoyed Oregon, taken a few trips, and been blessed. On the hard days and in the rough times I look back and realize I have so much to be thankful for...

A few pictures from last week...

{Josh ready for the City!}

{My friend Jimmy from Kenya}

{The REAL Deathstar from Star Wars!}

{My mode of transportation around Museum of Science Fiction}

{Seattle Space Needle-Wahoo!}

Back To School Shopping

I don't know what my parents felt like when they sent me off on a plane to college, but maybe it is something like I am feeling now as I help my little brother Josh prepare for his freshman year at Moody Bible Institute (my alma mater). I'm excited for him and nervous for him. I made him a packing list and checked it twice, I bought the plane tickets, I signed him up for classes, I have given him all the pointers on what to do and what not to do (like don't be the boy who sits in the plaza and plays your guitar...but hold on to your wallet and don't lose your ID). Today I took him shopping and it was probably one of the best shopping experiences ever. He is worse than a girl. Fred Meyer was our first stop (well after I got my Starbucks iced coffee to get me through our escapades). Up and down the aisles we roamed picking out school supplies and necessary, well, necessities for college life. I picked out the practical thing

s like highlighters and notebooks, while Josh picked out the impractical things like a ruler that folds up into a little square like Jacobs ladder. 8 spiral notebooks for 96 cents?! Now that is a deal. I commanded Josh to pick out 6 colors for his 6 classes. See the colors below:

He proceeded to choose his colors based on the following criteria..

Blue-for his favorite class

Black-for the evil class that he will hate

Yellow- for the sunshine class that makes him smile

Green- for the class that help him grow the most

Purple- for the class with the pretty girl that he is attracted to

Red- for the class that causes the most spiritual warfare

Okay Josh...that is great!

I left him mumbling about pretty ladies and spiritual warfare to search for an eraser for his new shiny silver dry erase board. The nice lady with the name tag was showing me to the correct aisle and asked if I had lost some keys. I assured her I had not, but felt sorry for the poor people who would come back looking for them.

We moved on to 3m hooks and bedsheets. I asked Josh all sorts of questions about colors, and hanging things on the wall, and offered bits of nice older sister advice, while he.....carried around a giant Woody the cowboy (Toy Story 3) doll that he'd found, and read random quotes to me from a mini book of wisdom that he's picked up along the way.

I told Josh as he was checking out that I wish I could follow him around at college with a video camera to see how his college experience goes. I'm pretty sure it would be a hit reality show. I think I might hire somebody to follow him with a video camera and take pictures :).

As we arrived at the car Josh fumbled through his pockets and realized he had lost the car keys somewhere along the way (and he'd also left his water bottle chilling on some shelf). As we walked back through the store I realized that I had spoken too hastily to the woman with the lost car keys...thank goodness she wasn't the person at the customer service desk who handed them over to us. We walked out and I informed Josh that I would be driving from that point forward and I mumbled on about how he's going to get into all kinds of trouble in Chicago. He will probably get kidnapped by crazy people who will hold him for ransom until they get tired of him singing at the top of his lungs and let him go!

Our second stop was Target, where I enjoyed watching Josh try out all the pillows, contemplate polka dot sheets or black sheets (he chose black thank goodness), and take 20 minutes to choose which travel shampoo and toothpaste he wanted. I love my brother.

Tuesday I am getting on a red eye flight to deliver him to Chicago and help him settle in at Moody. I have no doubt he will fit in and do very well, but my motherly nerves are still frazzled thinking about how he will find a good job, learn to manage his time, make good friends, and succeed in his classes. If it is this bad with my brother....what will it be like when I have my own children. O dear......

The moral of the story is that I love my brother and I'm proud of him. I will miss him, and I wish him the best in the Windy City and in life...welcome to adulthood!